Watch me knock out not one but TWO art internals that I hopefully will get credits for cause if i

don't I'm gonna cry.

Quick fore note, I made a playlist based around my art board for this year so if you want to listen to it you can. Like, it's just sort of the vibes for the board I guess. Like, all the songs are about dying or losing someone so that's the vibes.

also, I would like to point out I don't know whether I have actually done half the things on these lists because I don't actually know what they're talking about. Like, "INpdepth knowledge of technical, pictorial, symbolic meanings associated with you chosen painting style and your 'why' evident in your blog" Like, I think I did that???? Maybe??? Or "Sound understanding of the conventions" What are the conventions??? I'm so lost, however, it's too late to ask so I'm just gonna wing it.

Panel 1

Firstly, Panel 1 

wow.

So, my first board. Not a big fan. I miscalculated how big the bottom two paintings were supposed to be so now there's some weird gaps and let's just say, that is not very cash money of me. Overall though, the paintings are good so that's alright. We love paintings cramped at the top with loads of space at the bottom that makes my board feel empty. Let's just say the paintings are social distancing. 

Anyway, here's the planning for the various paintings compared to the final product because I'm efficient like that:

Hand

That's it. Like, actually, I can't find any other planning I did. However, I did get inspired to do the black gesso after painting this painting at the beginning of the year as part of this exercise Mrs. Clemence and Miss Keene made us do. 

Woah SHINee's  Taemin??? What are you doing on my art blog??? Anyway, I really like this painting so it's on my wall now next to the infographic about the history of potatoes in New Zealand I made in Year 9. After this exercise, I pretty much became obsessed with black gesso and used it in nearly all of my paintings. 

Here's the final painting of the hands

Haha. Nice

Window

This one's inspired by the tradition of lighting a candle after someone dies in Judaism. It's called a yahrzeit candle and, quick side note, candles represent the human soul in Judaism because - according to Sagel Bloomfield Danzansky Goldberg Funeral Care - "Like a human soul, flames must breathe, change, grow, strive against the darkness and, ultimately, fade away." Very Cool. Anyway, a yahrzeit candle is lit near the body of the person who died, on the anniversary of one's death in memoriam, and on holidays such as Yom Kippur, the final day of Pesach, Sukkot, Shavuot, etc, as well as throughout the shiva period (mourning period).  Also, another little tidbit, after someone dies (specifically if they die inside) it's customary to open a window near the body to allow for the spirit to leave the body and return to g-d. Anyway, that's the inspo for this painting. 

I can't find any planning for this painting? So I don't know if I ever did or if I just lost it. However, I like how this came out. I like the wood and how it looks textured. Be even cooler if I could do that again but it be like that sometimes. Also, the candle came out really nice. I just like the smaller details of this painting like the wood texture, the slight glow around the candle tip, the table shadows, overall I think I did good with this painting. 

Zichrono Livracha 

Zichrono Livracha is an abbreviation of "May his memory be a blessing." Obviously, this is referencing the fact that my grandpa's dead which isn't very cool cause he was my only grandpa and the grandparent I was closest to and I really miss him. I got the inspiration for this in the My Jewish Learning email subscription service I'm signed up to. Like, it was just their Hebrew saying of the week and I was like, "ok." This painting took a while to get right as originally it was going to be the mourner's kaddish however if you've ever seen the mourner's kaddish you would know it's very long and the space I had for it was very small. Below are a few test runs I had of the original plan.

 

They didn't look very good so then I looked at doing zichrono livracha instead. Now, I wasn't sure if I wanted to do just plain white or if I wanted to have some color in there too. The thought process was "oh, the hands have color in them and if the words have color and they would sort of match." Anyway, I ended up adding color but I wanted it to look sort of embedded in the white so I put a white glaze over top and man,

Ewwwwwww it looks really grossss.

Ok, it doesn't actually look that gross but it doesn't look good so I didn't even test trial the white I was just like "ok we're doing white cause that looks god awful." So here's the final product:

Ah, much nicer

ALSO, the inspiration to use words was from Ralph Hotere cause my art history thing was on his painting with the writing. Just go through my blog, you'll eventually find it.

Hallway Man

The man in hallway man is my grandpa! Isn't that surprising? I know, I know, calm down. Right, this is based off one of the few memories I have of him. Now, when me, my mum, and my sister Rachael (the one married to the guy in the U.S) were staying at my grandparent's we split up because they only had two beds. Mum and Rach slept in the beds and I slept on the reclining chairs, something I have been doing for years because I'm small enough that sleeping on them is like sleeping in a slightly smaller bed. So one night, I'm in the lounge and at around midnight I sort of come to consciousness. You know, the type where you're to fully awake but you're aware. Like, you're not awake but you're not not awake. Well, little 10 year old me was at the point when I look to my left and I just see this figure at the doorway of the lounge. I'm like, "what????? Is someone robbing us???" cause you know, it's Florida. Anyway, I watch the figure go over to the computer, turn it on, and start playing solitaire, and I just think "oh, it's just grandpa" and I go straight back to sleep. So that's what inspired this painting. I was telling Miss Keene about this and she said I should paint it so I did. But I think this memory very much sums up my grandpa as it encapsulates his strange ways. 

Woah! Cool! Anyway, I can't find any planning for this, that is, if I ever did any in the first place. 

Coats

The idea for the coats painting came to one night while reading when in the fanfic I was reading talked about losing someone. So, one of the characters lost their cousin who they were close to and the author mentioned sort of the little things that reminded the character that their cousin was gone. Things like still expecting letters from them, reminding themselves that when they go home for the summer, the cousin isn't going to be there, things like that. Now, this reminded me of something my dad said to me about how when I'm at my mum's on the weekdays, sometimes he keeps expecting me to suddenly come out of my bedroom, or when he told me about grandma (or she told me, I don't actually remember) keeps expecting grandpa to walk in or start doing the laundry or start-up solitaire on the computer. And I guess this inspired most of my paintings, like, the idea of expecting someone to be there and you have to remind yourself that they're not there anymore. So, the coats I guess is the physical aspect of someone not being there. The no letters, no more seeing them in the summer, no more solitaire, no more second coat. You know. Like, their coat is gone and it just sort of feels like a ghost cause you're so used to it there and you just think "There's supposed to be a second coat!" But no, there is no second coat cause they're gone. So that's why there's a ghost coat. Now thinking about it, maybe I should've just not painted a second coat and just left a space? But then again, that might not make sense and the ghost coat was a good idea. I guess we'll never know cause I'm sure as hell not painting over it just to see what might've been. 

Right, so on the left is the digital thumbnail I made most likely at 3am when I was reading and thought "oo quickly write that down". On the right is the physical copy. Now, you may notice a few differences. Firstly, the one on the left has a coat on the ground but the one on the right doesn't have a second coat and instead has a hat. Secondly, the left is just a black background while the right was going to be more similar to the rooms you'll see later on and was gonna be a little box. Eventually, I just made it one room, no black background, and added a ghost coat.

WOAH, is that a first attempt that failed??? Yes, yes it is. 

So, originally I was gonna paint the background with gesso, then paint the background over that, and then paint the ghost coat. However, after painting the background it started to get really thick and muddy and not nice. Overall, I was getting frustrated and I hated it. Then I restarted and we ended up with this:

RIGHT, Panel 2

As you can see, it was not finished at the time I took the photo. HOWEVER, I have almost finished it now and it will be complete. So, I'm gonna run through this very quickly because I'm tired and I don't like blogging.

Top Row

Right so on the left is a box of milk duds because a fond memory I have with my grandpa is when he would just buy an absolute crap ton of chocolate-covered candy and then we would sit there and eat them. Then the middle is a balloon animal cause apparent when he first came to Christchurch, a bunch of kids came off his flight all holding balloon animals because he sat there and just made a bunch of balloon animals. Then finally is a mango because my older sister (not the one I mentioned before, a different one) once mentioned that she liked mangoes and so my grandpa went out and brought an icebox full of mangoes. So, I painted these but then after discussing it with The Council(TM), we came to the conclusion that they don't really make sense. Like, they need context to understand why they're on the board. However, because we wanted to fill space we ended up deciding that we will keep them, however, we'll cut them down a bit and some more paintings. 

Bedroom

So this bedroom is based on the fact that my grandpa's hospice care was moved into his room. I managed to find a small thumbnail sketch I did of what I was originally thinking of doing: 

So I think I was originally going to do it with a birds-eye view of a bed with one side made and the other not to show like, the physical aspect of someone not being there. Then I just, I don't know, abandoned it I guess. So then I painted this painting and here's the thumbnail for that:

And then here's the final product:

Overall, I'm quite happy with it. I think it came out well. I like the blanket and the chair. :). I didn't know what to put on the wall and I think it was Rheanna who said I should but like, a painting or something there. Originally it was going to be a clock but I didn't like the clock so I painted this thing that my grandparents had in their house. It's like a sculpture thing. 

Obviously, I changed some colors but yea. 

Lounge 

WOAH! It's my grandparent's lounge! with a few alterations of course. Anyway, here's what their actual lounge looked like:

and then this is the final painting: 

KADDISH

KADDISH KADDISH KADDISH KADDISH

So kaddish is a prayer dedicated to g-d and actually doesn't mention death. Traditionally, it's said morning, afternoon, and night, however not everyone says it all the time. Kaddish it also the prayer used for mourning and mourners recite it for 30 days during the shiva period, 11 months after burial for a parent, and then on the anniversary of their death as well as at memorial services. Fun fact; the reason we say it for 11 months rather than 12 is that the one is judged (I guess) in Gehinom for 11 months, however, if someone is deemed wicked they're punished for 12 months before fully passing on. Saying kaddish protects one from being punished therefore saying it for 12 months implies that the deceased was a wicked person who would be punished for 12, not 11 months. Anyway, kaddish is considered the mourning prayers as well because - as Rabbi Joseph Telushkin puts it, "Most likely, people believed that the finest way to honor the dead was to recite the Kaddish, thereby testifying that the deceased person left behind worthy descendants, people who attend prayer services daily and proclaim there their ongoing loyalty to God.”  Also, My Jewish Learning  wrote this lovely thing where they talk about how kaddish helps during the mourning period as it can provide structure in a time upended by loss, and forces the mourners to go into the community and prevents them from isolating themselves. The article is actually really nice, especially towards the end when they talk about the positive effects of reciting kaddish for a lost one. Also there's a version of kaddish set to Adele's Hello which is incredible. 

Anyway, because Kaddish is the mourning prayer, I painted a section of it. I didn't paint all of it because it is quite long. Here are some drafts of it: 

This is a printed copy of kaddish and I was testing out sizes at the top and crossing out parts that were for if the prayer was said during the high holidays. 

Here I made one that was half the size of what would be on board.

Rip I got paint on it

This is the second go I had, however, it was too long and we decided that we would make it smaller. 

So this is the final product 

The hardest part about this is not just writing hebrew smaller, but I also had to leave enough room to put in the vowels underneath (they're all the dots and lines underneath). Also, unlike the other hebrew piece I did, this one had shin (the w looking letter) and aleph (the letter at the end of the first line) which are painful to write. Like, they're so hard and tedious. 

All three moment paintings

Anyway now the next paintings I made were originally going to replace the first three paintings I talked about on this panel but then we kept all six. So the first one is a gravestone and originally I was going to do two on either side and then leave a gap because in Judaism you don't put a headstone up until a year after someone's death. But I didn't like it and though just a single one would look better. Then I did a car scene which is related to eating chocolate-covered candy with grandpa in the car which I talked about earlier. Then next to that on the left is what was formally my grandparent's house. Since my grandpa's death my grandma moved out because she couldn't stand living there without him, I mean, you have to remember that they were together since they were 14 and so it feels like they were together forever. These were done fairly quickly so I don't think I have any planning for them

AND THAT'S IT. HERE'S IT ALL TOGETHER

WOAH A FINISHED BOARD!

Honestly, I like how panel 2 came out but not so much panel 1. Panel 1 just looks a little empty with the two bottom paintings. All my other paintings are quite close except for the bottom two which is quite annoying. But overall I'm happy with it. 

Anyway here's a bunch of other little planning things I did.

Here's some planning for a ghost bed?????

I got really bored over lockdown so I stayed up till, like, 2am making a timeline of changes in the Hogwarts uniform. Something I've noticed since making this is that we don't see any color on the robes until the third movie so the last bit id actually more between approx. 1991 until August 1993. Then September 1993, the uniform changes to have house colors in the sleeves and in the hood. 

here's a frog I drew at the start of the year

Originally I was going to write zichrono livracha in a way similar to Ralph Hotere's malady but then I didn't lol.

Here's my original planning brainstorm where I think about doing a whole board dedicated to frogs. 

Anyway, have ya'll heard dedicated to the one I love by The Mama's and The Papa's cause I grew up with them sort of but while writing this, I don't know what happened, but it just SLAPS SO HARD. Like, I don't know what has overcome me but the song is SO GOOD. I CAN'T STOP LISTENING TO IT.